Five Day Forecast:
September 13, 2060 --
Large cold front coming in that will bring absolutely destructive snowy weather and temperatures with the high around -5 degrees. The low is so low that it cannot even be calculated by standardized temperature reading computers. The city has issued an official warning to all residents to initiate all anti-climate shielding domes around everyone's houses.
September 14, 2060 --
It is recommended that no resident of Wanapum City leave their house until prior feedback from the Wanapum Weather Safety Organization. Heavy snow and extremely low temperatures for the next few days are expected.
September 15, 2060 --
Snow expected with heavy winds and low temperatures. High hovering around 0 degrees for much of the next few days.
September 16, 2060 --
Snow expected to clear up between now and tomorrow with the temperatures still down at dangerously low levels. Anti-Climate Shielding Domes still recommended.
September 17, 2060 --
Temperatures expected to climb slightly with a high around the mid 10s with little in the way of participation. High winds are expected, however.
Saturday
Obituaries
Obituaries - September 13, 2060
Jordan "Domino Effect" Plantyman --
Jordan "Domino Effect" Plantyman has died after months of being in a coma at Wanapum National Portable Hospital. The general practitioner Juju Thompson was the person to find that he had died. Plantyman had been in a coma since April 28th, when he just walked into the portable hospital and "fell asleep". He was 32 years old and had four kids, all of which were German and could not speak English. Jordan and his wife, Melisa, were known to have frequently said, "why the crap do our kids speak German and nothing else".
Cord Chart Mools --
Cord Chart Mools was found no longer alive in his regional hair cutting salon. Investigation is still pending, however police suspect murder. Notable suspects are Vice President of New Spain Larveda Pormp, the guy who invented grape soda with lemonade Charles Malinda, and some hobo outside our building who declined to share his name. Mools was single with no kids, probably because he owned a hair salon. He will be truly missed by his fish pets and his turtle.
Lizardious Tup Perware --
Lizardious Tup Perware died after being in the hospital with a mild case of athlete's foot. Perware was nineteen years old and his parents were notably "shocked" when they found out that Lizardious had athlete's foot. They couldn't believe he could get this disease being how young he was. Lizardious will be deeply missed by his family and friends.
Jordan "Domino Effect" Plantyman --
Jordan "Domino Effect" Plantyman has died after months of being in a coma at Wanapum National Portable Hospital. The general practitioner Juju Thompson was the person to find that he had died. Plantyman had been in a coma since April 28th, when he just walked into the portable hospital and "fell asleep". He was 32 years old and had four kids, all of which were German and could not speak English. Jordan and his wife, Melisa, were known to have frequently said, "why the crap do our kids speak German and nothing else".
Cord Chart Mools --
Cord Chart Mools was found no longer alive in his regional hair cutting salon. Investigation is still pending, however police suspect murder. Notable suspects are Vice President of New Spain Larveda Pormp, the guy who invented grape soda with lemonade Charles Malinda, and some hobo outside our building who declined to share his name. Mools was single with no kids, probably because he owned a hair salon. He will be truly missed by his fish pets and his turtle.
Lizardious Tup Perware --
Lizardious Tup Perware died after being in the hospital with a mild case of athlete's foot. Perware was nineteen years old and his parents were notably "shocked" when they found out that Lizardious had athlete's foot. They couldn't believe he could get this disease being how young he was. Lizardious will be deeply missed by his family and friends.
Wanapum Orangepants RHP Horton Morris Fired
September 6, 2060
Griffin
Following the homicide of Charles McJetpack right handed pitcher for the Wanapum Orangepants, Horton Morris, was fired March 14th in an official statement released by general manager Alfred Waltabeener. "Following the guilty verdict found by the Wanapum City National Court on one count of homicide, and two counts of being bad at spelling, we no longer wish to continue a business relationship between the Orangepants Organization and Mr. Morris," Alfred the woman said as she sat in a maroon lounge chair. Morris contributed 599 and two thirds innings and a 3.95 ERA through two and a half years with the Orangepants.
The press conference with Waltabeener was scheduled almost immediately after the court released an official verdict on the widely televised case against Horton Morris. Morris was accused on one count of homicide and two counts of being bad at spelling for all two misspellings of the victims name. Horton was sentenced one life sentence with the possibility of parole after 38 years. Horton Morris denied any opportunities to be interviewed by news reporters but I managed to get into the prison transport truck with Hunter while he was being moved to Washington State Penitentiary. He did not have anything to add to the homicide case however, for all he said was "How did you get in here?" quite lowdly. I was found shortly after that because one of the guards driving heard Hunter.
After a grueling 18 hour recess the court had instated during the trial, the jury came back to make the final verdicts. They were asked to comment on the party hats they were wearing when they came back but insisted, "we were doing jury things." The guilty verdict was said to be unanimous throughout all seven jurors, and the public feels that justice has been served.
Griffin
Following the homicide of Charles McJetpack right handed pitcher for the Wanapum Orangepants, Horton Morris, was fired March 14th in an official statement released by general manager Alfred Waltabeener. "Following the guilty verdict found by the Wanapum City National Court on one count of homicide, and two counts of being bad at spelling, we no longer wish to continue a business relationship between the Orangepants Organization and Mr. Morris," Alfred the woman said as she sat in a maroon lounge chair. Morris contributed 599 and two thirds innings and a 3.95 ERA through two and a half years with the Orangepants.
The press conference with Waltabeener was scheduled almost immediately after the court released an official verdict on the widely televised case against Horton Morris. Morris was accused on one count of homicide and two counts of being bad at spelling for all two misspellings of the victims name. Horton was sentenced one life sentence with the possibility of parole after 38 years. Horton Morris denied any opportunities to be interviewed by news reporters but I managed to get into the prison transport truck with Hunter while he was being moved to Washington State Penitentiary. He did not have anything to add to the homicide case however, for all he said was "How did you get in here?" quite lowdly. I was found shortly after that because one of the guards driving heard Hunter.
After a grueling 18 hour recess the court had instated during the trial, the jury came back to make the final verdicts. They were asked to comment on the party hats they were wearing when they came back but insisted, "we were doing jury things." The guilty verdict was said to be unanimous throughout all seven jurors, and the public feels that justice has been served.
Wanapum City News Editor Missing
September 6, 2060Griffin
Since the death of late Marianey Johannas Johnson Jr., the president and CEO of the Wanapum City News Corporation, Pod Pod Jones, one of our head editors, has been missing. Pod Pod did not report to the press conference on March 2nd when the Wanapum staff collectively decided to close all operations following Mr. Johnson's death. The investigation has been closed until further notice however.
Pod Pod Jones' last known location was near Bernardo's Large Intestine, a local bar and grill in Wanapum, where Pod Pod was doing interviews about the restaurant's recent break in and soup flood. According to police, the soup was tomato.
When asked what he knew about Pod Pod's whereabouts, Barnardo Portatorpa, owner of Bernardo's Large Intestine Bar and Grill, had little to say.
"He was interviewing me about how our large tanks of tomato soup had burst following the break-in. Police said it was caused by someone installing a small explosive computer chip to the outside of one of the tanks. During the interview Pod Pod floated off inside of a large glass balloon. I guess he had gotten all the information he needed because he left while I was explaining something. I watched him float a while but he eventually went out of view over the skyline."
Bernardo is currently in custody for impending questioning by police.
Current suspects to Pod Pod's disappearance include: Bernardo Portatorpa, Mysterious Tim, owner and founder of Mysterious Tim's Illegal Spy Equipment Emporium, Babe Ruth, and Johnny Lymph Nodes, a close friend to Pod Pod Jones and his family. All suspects are expected to be indicted excluding Babe Ruth. Babe was sent back to the 1940s before being named a suspect.
Weather - Week of September 6, 2060
Five Day Forecast:
September 6, 2060 --
The fall cold front is officially making its way into Washington State! You can expect blazing hot temperatures no longer! Expect a partly cloudy sky starting in the late afternoon with the evening high hovering around 74 degrees. No chance of precipitation but the clouds will remain throughout the night.
September 7, 2060 --
Clouds still hovering around the area, precipitation will be about 25% likely. Temperatures will not get above 70 for much of the afternoon with the occasional lows of about 45 degrees. Low will decrease to the mid thirties for later in the night.
September 8, 2060 --
Rain likely for most of the day with a percent chance around 80%. Temperatures will drop to a high of 65 degrees but a northerly wind chilling the air to about 51 degrees. Lows will fluctuate from the low forties to the mid thirties as front makes its way through the state.
September 9, 2060 --
Rain still in the area for the rest of the week as the cold front brings chilling winds down from the Canadian Ocean to the north. High only in the 60s but the wind will make it feel like the 50s. Lows will go to about 25 degrees throughout the night.
September 10, 2060 --
The northern Nyoun Wanlkno makes its annual debut from the Canadian Ocean which will decrease the temperatures dramatically. It will cause the air to get severely dry as well, as the local highs will reside around the 20s. No precipitation is to be expected.
September 6, 2060 --
The fall cold front is officially making its way into Washington State! You can expect blazing hot temperatures no longer! Expect a partly cloudy sky starting in the late afternoon with the evening high hovering around 74 degrees. No chance of precipitation but the clouds will remain throughout the night.
September 7, 2060 --
Clouds still hovering around the area, precipitation will be about 25% likely. Temperatures will not get above 70 for much of the afternoon with the occasional lows of about 45 degrees. Low will decrease to the mid thirties for later in the night.
September 8, 2060 --
Rain likely for most of the day with a percent chance around 80%. Temperatures will drop to a high of 65 degrees but a northerly wind chilling the air to about 51 degrees. Lows will fluctuate from the low forties to the mid thirties as front makes its way through the state.
September 9, 2060 --
Rain still in the area for the rest of the week as the cold front brings chilling winds down from the Canadian Ocean to the north. High only in the 60s but the wind will make it feel like the 50s. Lows will go to about 25 degrees throughout the night.
September 10, 2060 --
The northern Nyoun Wanlkno makes its annual debut from the Canadian Ocean which will decrease the temperatures dramatically. It will cause the air to get severely dry as well, as the local highs will reside around the 20s. No precipitation is to be expected.
Ask Pod Pod!
Due to unforeseen and unknown circumstances, Pod Pod's whereabouts are currently unknown. The weekly Ask Pod Pod Advice Column could not be completed. See news story for more information.
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