WARNING

ANTI-CLIMATE SHIELDING DOME WARNING INITIATED

BREAKING

RABID DOLPHIN COLONY THREATENS NATO; NEGOTIATIONS SOON SAYS PRESIDENT. COMCOM TELECOMMUNICATIONS HACKED; USER DATA LIKELY LEAKED. PRESIDENT OF NEW PRUSSIA DECLARES STATE OF PANIC AS COLOR ORANGE SWEEPS EUROPE. DELIVERY TRUCKS ACROSS NATION DISAPPEAR; RANSOM NOTE FOUND IN NORTH CAROLINA. GRAND CANYON FLOODS; METHANE AND HYDROCHLORIC ACID FOUND IN WATER. KIDFLAMP TOY COMPANY RECALLS ROBOTIC TEDDY BEARS. BARRY'S PIZZA COMPANY SUED AFTER CUSTOMER FINDS MICROCHIP IN PIZZA. PAKISTANI GOVERNMENT REQUESTS TO BE REMOVED FROM MAPS; HOPES FOR STEALTHIER ATTACK POSSIBILITIES.

Saturday

Obituaries

Obituaries - September 6, 2060

Marianey Johannas Johnson Jr. --
Marianey Johannas Johnson Jr. was found dead within his Pacman chamber inside of his giant, solid gold, floating mansion on March 1, 2060. Cause of death is still unknown following a six month investigation. Mr. Johnson being, of course, the president and CEO of the Wanapum City News Corporation. The staff here at Wanapum City News collectively agreed to shut down all news operations until Mr. Johnson's death investigation had concluded. Unfortunately, for reasons unknown to us, the investigation could not be completed and has been terminated until further notice. Mr. Johnson was 68 years of age, and his family and everyone here at WCN are deeply saddened by his loss. We shall continue the news as scheduled from now on in respect of Mr. Johnson. The news updates for this week shall be dedicated to his honor.

Marianey Johannas Johnson Jr.
1992 - 2060
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