Police Consult Babe Ruth in Local Homicide Investigation

March 1, 2060
Pod Pod Jones

Charles McJetpack, formerly the city question mark, was found dead in his apartment at around 7:61am Tuesday morning. Coroner Travis Clams identified the cause of death as a single gunshot wound to the shoe, saying "Haha yeah that is definitely a dead person." It was a really nice loafer, and we are all saddened at its passing. McJetpack had no life insurance, or any life at all for that matter. He was a perfectly boring city question mark. Police had no leads as to the identity of the murderer until Wednesday, when they noticed a note taped to the victim's face.

The note read, "I am a baseball player who killed Charles MacJerpack." The name was horribly misspelled, so nobody had payed much attention to it at first, but after twenty-four hours of thoughtful consideration, it was decided that the note was probably a clue.

Police turned their attention to the city's professional baseball team, the Wanapum Orangepants. Alfred Waltabeener, the Orangepants General Manager, could not be reached for comment until someone had given her a cup of donuts, at which point she simply said, "I do not know who on my team could have murdered Charles McJetpuck. Go away now. Leave me and my donuts in peace." Alfred the woman is not known for being particularly informative, with or without donuts.

Police then decided to consult Babe Ruth, the famous baseball player who is generally adored by many fans of baseball because he was good at baseball. Babe Ruth had blue eyes and said "What where am I" shortly before passing out. Clearly he was not yet accustomed to time travel and its tendency to make people light-headed. Silly Babe Ruth. Police interpreted his statement as a solid lead, and immediately interviewed Orangepants' Pitcher Horton Morris.

He denied murdering McJetpack, and police were like, "Yeah okay." But then they discovered a note in Morris's pockets. Apparently, he had written a rough draft of the note stuck to McJetpack's face. Morris admitted to being "somewhat iffy" about his spelling in the final draft, but he was confident the message had been communicated clearly. Police agreed, and then arrested Morris because apparently homicide is illegal.

Babe Ruth was allowed to take the victim's loafers back into the past, in return for all of his help.